by THE THINKING LESBIAN



Atl Velcro Chick: “I just wanted to let you know that if you text me and I don’t answer immediately, it’s because I am at work between 7:30am and 9:00am and can’t get to the phone that quickly.”

This was the text that came in at 6am from a chick that I had met on lesbiladiesdating.com that I had not met, had no intentions of meeting and barely talked to. Ever since the first time that I spoke with her by phone last week and was less than enthralled with her inability to form a critical thought and grammatically correct sentence, her resume was placed on the reject pile.

I sent back: “Ummm…yeah. If I text and you don’t answer immediately why would I trip? You’re not my girl and what’s more please don’t report your actions to me. Just do you.”

Atl Velcro Chick: “Oh…ok. I’m sorry if I have offended you. I was just trying to let you know that I am here for you.”

DAFUC? Here for me? Fuckery…complete and utter fuckery was what I was witnessing on my phone. I sat up in my bed and stared blankly at my phone fighting back an urge to fire back with mean sarcasm or worse yet call and read her the riot act. If there is one thing that will set me off faster than fucking with my money it is passive aggressive control tactics. Why in the world would someone I barely know but whom I am fully aware has a huge crush on me suddenly say such an out of the blue NEEDY thing? Seeking to get me to reciprocate in kind so that she might be able to glean more information about my schedule and what I am doing day to day that’s why. Let me back up and say that in a previous text conversation she told me that…

by THE THINKING LESBIAN



My mind is in a constant whirlwind with the conversations I am having with her. Deep explorations of the inner workings of my being seem to take place during nightly communion. By day I am left alone to attempt to process and assimilate the conversation from the night before. Our conversations at this stage are not short ones or long ones filled with dead air or questions that merely skirt along the glimmering surface of who we pretend to be. Our conversations are like knives cutting away at the fat, the excess of ego whittling our souls down to their purest essence of self shining as a mirror one to another.

I feel as though I have gone mad. Blissfully lost and punch drunk off the voice on the other end not wanting it to cease stretching minutes into hours and days. I seek in vain to touch her corporeal body–to feel the warmth of her flesh and the sinewy mammalian fibers of the thing that she is. 24 days too long. 24 days of wandering through the wonderland of hers and my mind on the way to the heart and soul of one being. 24 days of pretending to get to know more about that which has already fully risen into consciousness but has yet to be spoken. 24 days in which time I wish to savor at least some truth about me so that the residuum of me remains to be shared in person. 24 days of writing about this woman that is driving me mad…just mad.

Time for sleep and glimpses of things hoped for.

The Thinking…

by THE THINKING LESBIAN



She’s keeping me up at night…every night since I laid eyes on her as she leaped forth from my computer screen. I’m losing sleep as I allow her voice to stroke the synapses and neurons of my mind into an electrical frenzy of thoughts and logical connections that lead to the verbal expression of me and what I stand for. Phonetically her name rolls off my tongue as something delicate and sensual. The name of a French mulatto slave girl with wide almond eyes set deep within full blue black lashes attempting to peer into the darkness that is me from 777 miles away…

She’s keeping me up at night talking…

Asking me the same things as everyone else, but bringing forth a much deeper and richer response. A response that seems to spring forth and join in on the fiery thought cloud dance that is carried by satellites orbiting the earth connecting my voice to her own. I am enjoying the pain of being kept up at night. By day I walk half dreaming half awake running off the natural, high octane cocktail that the human body produces. Pupils dilated in a rush of serotonin, dopamine, endorphins and oxytocin; my adrenals pump out waves of adrenaline as my mind rushes–struggles to remember the nuances of the tone of her voice and it’s rhythm as a Day walker waiting on nightfall.

I’m waiting, watching and wondering when will the fear creep in? When? I almost beg for its sobering reality as the gravitational pull of her being upon mine is irresistible. I stick to her shinning surface searching for a flaw. Combing over her beauty and attempting to explore the depths of her through cyberspace and the spoken word. Flayed and splayed by each…

by THE THINKING LESBIAN

I write food porn because I love food and the sensory explosion it sets off in every corner of my body. Here is a story that wrote after eating brunch at the Tabard House in Washington D.C. on May 2012.



Senses tantalized and teased by the delightful expectation of your arrival.

My clit throbs with anticipation of the complex taste of you on my tongue. Rolling, sucking, fucking you with my taste buds as a cacophony of colors and sensations explodes upon my retinas and between my legs.

Everyone around me is oblivious to the orgasms I am delighting in the mind-fuck that is taking place right under their noses.

Sweet and fiery at every corner of your toasted perfection just like my first lover.

I savor every sweet bite of you as my soul drinks from the fountain of pleasure that you bring as your creation graces my lips.

No other like you after you as I will move on from this sacred encounter all too soon.

Like lovers joined at the soul who have never met but for once, I am totally yours for the moment that you have my attention and my words are a mere vain attempt to immortalize the sensations of you.

The second course brings a new suitor to my table with hints of Latin soul, a dash of the Caribbean and southern flair.

Again the first bite and I am hooked–longing to get back to the privacy of my room and make love to someone–anyone–for hours feasting on the pleasures of their flesh as I dine.

A quintessence so sinfully intense that pleasure can only be found in the pain of over-consumption; I revel at the throne of Bacchus for a day and seek heaven…

by THE THINKING LESBIAN



Upon review of my closet, I find that the selection there leaves a lot to be desired. That’s me being nice to myself actually…really nice. That is actually a picture of what everyone wishes their closet looks like…le sigh. Now that I seem to be 70% sure I am ready to go out on a real date with a woman I have taken a cold hard look at my closet and am wondering what in the fuck have I been wearing for 3 years?!

I’ve been living in denial.

Denial that what I have been wearing to walk around in actually complimented me well. I have been a comfortable lesbian only veering away from total cotton comfort when the siren songs of dubstep, Latin rhythms or hip hop lured me into the sweat soaked smoky environment of a club to participate in modern mating dances. To grind my sequined ass into the sweaty crotch of some liquor soaked woman whose name I didn’t care to know. Once I was home the next day, it was grandma panties, yoga pants and a crappy bleach stained tee…I’m actually sitting here writing and working in one of those ensembles right now. Yay comfortable me!

I have been making progress. Upon the realization that at some point in the future I might want to get laid by real live girl I went and bought 10 pair of lacy underwear. I’ve…

by THE THINKING LESBIAN



I sit here Monday with the conversations of the weekend still swirling in my mind. Conversations that all seemed to seek to understand why lesbians seem so particularly broken and hardened by their experiences. I know that straight women have more than their fair share of broken hearts and problems, but I cast aside the carcass of straight girl long ago so I write about us primarily.

Being in a relationship with another woman is much more intense. It’s an intensity that one almost cannot describe in words because at times it surpasses comprehension and stunts all logic. I also believe it is that intensity that allows us to get away with so much more in relationships with one another. Lesbians do and say things to each other that we would not tolerate being said and done, not for one second by a man—but then again maybe some of them would. I don’t know…I’m simply sitting at my desk and typing the thoughts as the flow from my mind through my finger tips.

During several conversations with a good friend of mine, we spoke of masculine identified women and how many of them choose to present a hyper-masculine look and attitude to match. We batted around ideas as to why: What were those things that culminated in the individuals we see around us in clubs, bars and on FaceBook espousing the ideas of the patriarchy in such a way that would make even the most misogynistic men cringe? She pointed to a status update of one very beautiful stud: “If I tell you not to talk to a particular person, just do what I say. I put my foot down and I know what’s best.” The comment received 254 likes at the time we were viewing it and all of the follow up comments…

by THE THINKING LESBIAN



Ok so yesterday wasn’t really about my experiences with internet dating. It was more of a rant about the confusion that comes with being attracted to women and how crazy women can be sometimes.

I have had some luck on LESBILADIES DATING thus far. I have met four women that I have connected with well via email and over the phone. An art gallery owner, a army sergeant a car enthusiast and a logistics manager; all intelligent and well-educated, all seemingly quite passionate about what it is that they do and all frighteningly fascinatingly unflawed. WHAT’S WRONG WITH THEM?! My mind screams as I reflect back on the conversations that consumed a greater portion of my day yesterday. Each one of them is physically attractive, smart and funny but there has to be a chink in the armor; a scale on the shining impenetrable dragon that is the Achilles heel of the beast. Ok, so I know logically that a personality or behavior flaw will not reveal itself in one conversation. I would be crazy to think so. What’s more is that upon first meeting someone, you don’t meet them. I would say that you don’t catch a glimmer of the actual person that you think that you are interested in for at least three weeks and that’s with consistent twice weekly contact. Realistically, it can take up to a year to actually meet the person you have been after! So who is it that you meet? Well you meet their Public Relations Specialist, their Personal Assistant and their “Handler”. These are the people that show up to make that person look like a highly desirable prize. A shining prize worth winning and cutting off other…

by THE THINKING LESBIAN
The Listen to Your Mother reading series may be coming to a city near you for Mother’s Day 2013! I am truly excited about this as I think that mothers are the greatest thing on the planet. It takes guts to really be a good mother and raise a child to be a loving, caring and productive member of society.
I stumbled upon the Listen to Your Mother reading series while scanning the Huffington Post this afternoon. “My Daughter is Not a Princess” is an essay written by a lesbian mother about her daughter’s changing identity and her reaction to it. The piece is moving in its expression of her fears, worries and longings for the social construct of female gender that her is steadily growing away from.

I will be keeping an eye out for this to come to Atlanta as I would love to gather up my friends and go see this as a group. Check out some of the videos on the home page as I am sure your heart and soul will be moved by the love, courage and wisdom of these mothers.

“For the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world and every king’s throne is his mother’s lap.”

–Unknown

The Thinking Lesbian

by THE THINKING LESBIAN

Today I activated (meaning paid for 1 month) my lesbiladiesdating.com account and began actively browsing profiles. I have had my account set up for some time now but I would look, sometimes wink but not much else until today. What changed? The ability to meet quality women easily has moved far enough up my top ten list that I took action. That’s what changed.

I went out Friday on something that could be called a “date like experience”. It was with a FB friend that I had only spoken with by phone/text and met at a club once in person. We did the whole dinner and event after dinner thing which was awesome. It was nice to go out with someone who was totally enamored of my feminine presence and felt no qualms about letting me know. She was the perfect gentlewoman the entire evening which was a great boost to my single and not dating self esteem. Although I think that she is a great person, I am quite content to be friends with her. I think that she would make and great friend and I told her as much. I’m never misleading or less than honest in my intentions.

Sunday was less than fun day. I went out with someone who I will call Sophistaratchet. I have known Sophistaratchet for six years now but she and I have never done anything beyond drink and have sex (except when I have been in a committed relationship of course, for her it didn’t matter–commitment is not a part of her vocabulary). Let me back up and say that it wasn’t until yesterday did I grace her with the name Sophistaratchet…let me explain.

She’s hot. Quite sexy in fact. Saucy attitude, outgoing and a lover of life. Oh, and I always thought that she had amazing breasts. Breasts that she had no qualms about flaunting braless under semi-sheer shirts in the summer time. At my height and my size she…

by: THE THINKING LESBIAN

Ok so I am a HUGE fan of Brittney Griner and I forgot to post this. When I say that I am a huge Brittney Griner fan I really am. Yes, I find her SERIOUSLY attractive (if they ever make Brittney Griner bedsheets I am first in line to buy them), but I am also very impressed at her matriculation from Baylor University in Houston, TX. Baylor is a tough school to get into and boasts one of the top medical schools in the country. I graduated valedictorian and was still not accepted to Baylor so her attendance there sends her stock into the stratosphere for me.
Check out her interview with the beautiful Skylar Diggins and Elena Delle Donne (I love saying her name).